Weekly Spam Edition 4
Here’s a story about a little bit of fun I had recently with an advertiser for “paid guest blogging”. You know the type. They are in your inbox 20 times a day trying to sell you services to get your website into “page 1 of Google”, easy as.
Get your website into “page 1 of Google”, easy as!
So anyway, in usual fashion, the person wrote a little introduction on a friend’s Google+ community, and this time I was first to respond to it.
SK: “Hi Friends, I have a good list of blogs for “Paid Guest Posting” If anyone interested please contact me or mail us at gsmtweet(@)gmail(.)com” (friendly manner, must be trustworthy.)
PB (that’s me): “Yeah right.” (Tui ad)
SK: “So You are interested ?” (obviously SK has never heard of Mangatainoka, or ever noticed any NZ advertising billboards, but hey, maybe SK isn’t a Kiwi?)
SK: “Please tell me what niche your are looking?” (eager to please me with some awesome recommendation of course)
Borrowing from my friend’s (Kate Toon – Copywriter and Hula-Hooper) intellectual property, I suggested I might be interested in blogging about Piglet Jumpers. These are specially hand-knitted woollen jumpers featuring 100% NZ Merino wool, designed for the fashion-conscious little piggy. A product clearly very dear to my heart, and in such high demand it would be very fruitful for me to rank #1 in Google for this obviously popular product!
SK didn’t hesitate to say thay he/she was sure to have a blogging site that would suit Kate’s Piglet Jumpers. So since that was settled, I also asked if SK might possibly have a blog suitable for Marshmellow Jugglers, which I was hoping to promote as part of my training and education website.
Apparantly also not a problem, which got me wondering: what are the chances I could get my own website to rank without the help of paid guest blogging? I’m sure SK would tell me: “none at all”, but I’m always up for a challenge!
Having a long 5-second think about other keywords related to either Piglet Jumpers or Marshmellow Jugglers had my mind in a spin. Thankfully, Kate and another friend, Dave, helped me expand my keyword set a little to discover “porcine knitwear” and “confectionery related circus skills” for former and latter keywords respectively. We’re on to a winner here! I’m sure circus skills will be immensely popular and drive tonnes of eager students to my Marshmellow Jugglers training course landing page.
We’ll, needless to say I got very excited about all this and promptly added the phrase “confectionery based circus skills” to my website. I added that exact phrase, only once to one of my existing website pages, with complete confidence that I could crack Google page 1 rank for it in New Zealand.
I’ve been up all night hitting F5 on my keyboard to refresh search results for this phrase, and I’m overjoyed to discover that within 24 sleepless hours I have hit the big time! YES: My website now ranks #1 in New Zealand for “confectionery based circus skills”!!! Now I’m just waiting for the phone to go crazy and have seats selling out super fast! Yippeee!
The moral of this story?
No-body offers “confectionery based circus skills”, and there are NO ACTIVE SEARCHES for it, until now – thanks to this post.
I was able to hit #1 rank in Google NZ and UK and also #3 in Google AU within a space of 24 hours of adding this phrase JUST ONCE to my website (which took me about 30 seconds to do). Try the search! (or click here) You’ll probably find no-one competing for it except me. If I had to pay an SEO person based on a “no results – no payment – Google Page 1 guarantee” I would have to pay immediately for a phrase that will bring zero traffic and zero profit, and they would earn money at their monthly fee for a ridiculously tiny effort. Would YOU want to pay $500 per month or more for someone to do 30 seconds of work for you? If your answer is YES, please hire me, I’m available now!
Perry Bernard – Linguist, Author, Organic SEO Specialist and lover of Marshmellows
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